| the weak's end |
[14 Apr 2004|01:05pm] |
about a week ago i made the final decision that i was going home for the arts fest this summer. and although i am enjoying my time here now (i.e. late evening wine dates with the 70 year old woman who lives across the street, and spending 4 or 5 afternoons a week at the beach), i can't stop thinking about how much fun this is going to be. i just got a letter from leslie saying that she, kaitlin, and leah are all coming down the week beforehand to hang out in savannah. then we'll all take my car back up to state college. now, if you know me at all then you will understand my excitement because i am in LOVE with road trips. especially with my girls.
..man, i can almost taste the gyros now...
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[12 Apr 2004|06:27pm] |
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i think i might very well hate salt. does that make me un-american?
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| tomato faced (wait...is there an "e" on the end of "tomato"?) |
[11 Apr 2004|03:11pm] |
"happy easter everyone. a big shout out to Jesus, for being super cool."
...i had to steal that from xdownbyonex; i laughed outloud when i read it in journal.
anyhow, there have been big changes going on. and to be perfectly honest all of these changes need to happen. last weekend i did something dumb. something i shouldn't have. lkjasdkadskj...i'm sick of being cryptic. in the past i have done drugs. i had smoked pot, taken a variety of pills, and eaten shrooms. but that was it. nothing hardcore. until last weekend. last weekend i tried ecstasy. obviously it's not like shooting up or snorting coke, nonetheless, i knew that my life was just getting out of control. after going years without doing drugs i had fallen back into my old ways...only this time i was going even further down paths i wanted nothing to do with.
last sunday, after i had come down from it all, i was taking a nap when my phone rang. it was mike. i'm not really going to go into the conversation, i'll just say that mike is by far the most compassionate, loving, non-judgemental christian i think i have ever met. whenever i feel like shit, shrouded in guilt from my latest failure, mike knows exactly what to say in order for me to see things in a positive light. we talked for a long time about where i want to be in life, and the things in myself i'd like to get under control. i told him i wanted to stop everything, that "i'm done with it", no more drugs. he said we'd do it together.
so here i am. sitting here in this chair, half writing, half thinking...it's not so much that i'm like, "grrr, drugs are destruction of mankind, blah, blah, blah"... i just know what they do to me. it was like up until this past week i had stopped caring about everything. all i looked forward to was being in a state of not feeling. but that's not me. anyone who knows me at all knows that i tend to be overly emotional. and while i will admit that that can get overly annoying, it's just the way i am.
anyhow, i thought it was as good a day as any to quit, considering what history holds for easter.
p.s. ...i haven't quit smoking cigarettes. at least i haven't said it outloud. it's been a good day and a half without one. i've gone running three times since then. if anyone has any helpful tips on how to quit without going insane, let me know.
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[10 Apr 2004|04:42pm] |
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i'm done with it.
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| why the HELL do people wear toe rings? |
[09 Apr 2004|06:26pm] |
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mood |
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full |
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music |
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harry potter...whatever the second one is called |
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some boy at the plasma place told me i have hot toes. ...yeah.. let me explain why this boggles me: toes are not hot. especially not mine. my toes are chubby little things with toenails that are too small and look completely out of place. due to the fact that i HATE wearing shoes, my feet are always dirty. nasty even. don't even get me started on the grunge build-up that's going on in between my biggest toes and the ones right next to them (where the flip-flop thingy goes)... i was picking at it the other day and i'm pretty sure the person sitting next to me vomitted right after i left. so yeah, this guy had to be insane. BUT, isn't it always nice to get complimented on something that you don't like about yourself? it just goes to show that beauty IS found within the eye of the beholder. well, either that or he just wanted some... but i like the first one better so i'm gonna go with that.
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[07 Apr 2004|08:44am] |
i'm at work right now. doing nothing. this computer is so much faster than my 1994 IBM thinkpad with it's dial-up connection. maybe i'll pitch a tent right here. the carpet in this room isn't to my liking but life is about sacrifices, right?
p.s. prunes should come with warning labels.
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[06 Apr 2004|05:52pm] |
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the boy across the street plays trumpet. i was sitting on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette when i heard him. it was a little rough. he's played for maybe a year. i mean, i'm no expert, but i do have some what of a history in music lessons. my brother played trumpet. i played the clarinet. we both started when we were in fourth grade, so holding us accountable for our stupidity would be harsh. i remember how my mom would make us each practice 30 minutes every day. oh dear god, how i remember... but i also remember having a nintendo in my room. with zelda. zelda always dazzled me. that and metroid. i'd put my clarinet together, play a few scales and then assist link in complete and utter ass-kicking domination for about three minutes. after three minutes mom would take notice of the dead air time and yell, "i don't hear any practicing going on!!!". i'd jump, jumbling the controller and dropping it to the ground while simultaneoulsly scrambling for my clarinet. i'd crank out the first song that came to mind. then i'd fumble through a few pages of excersizes...only to give up 2 seconds later and return to the best video game ever made.
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| priceless |
[04 Apr 2004|02:02pm] |
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i got my tattoo.
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[01 Apr 2004|07:35am] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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saves the day (heather, don't be a hater) |
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kitten is well on her way to being a porn star. i kid you not. she has some kind of fetish with french kissing. at first i thought it was cute, but now i just feel dirty. like i've been used. once she gets her fill she just saunters off and i'm just left sitting here. i don't even get a phone call anymore...
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[30 Mar 2004|02:49pm] |
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on saturday i was flipping through the channels and decided to watch some of the fight on HBO. seth came over about 15 minutes later so i turned it off. i read in the paper today that the guy who was knocked out never regained consciousness. he died today. holy shit.
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| oh wait, i really am 22... |
[29 Mar 2004|05:38pm] |
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happy |
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music |
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blindside |
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well it happened. i didn't really think that it ever would, but it has. i feel like an adult. today i made a dentist appointment. but not just any dentist appointment, oh no, my first dentist appointment that i will personally be paying for. out of my very own pocket. hot damn. i can't say that i'm looking forward to forking over my hard-earned cash, but holy shit i took some initiative.
the drawback in all of this is that i'm pretty sure i have a cavity. the thought of having to get a filling strikes a fear within that makes me feel 4 years old.
does that leave me somewhere in the middle? at like 13? cause if so i'm just gonna go ahead and shoot myself right now.
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[27 Mar 2004|10:05pm] |
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i have decided that i am going to live off of ham and cheese hot pockets until i can no longer stand the sight of them.
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| do you ever have those days... |
[27 Mar 2004|12:51pm] |
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...that just all around rule? yesterday was one of those for me. i had to be at work by 8am, and getting up was way easier than i thought it was going to be. i didn't go to bed until like 2am, so i wasn't sure that my body would even respond to my alarm clock. but for some reason i woke up 5 minutes before it went off. i was tired but that didn't matter cause work only last two hours. and i made $40 for the day. all in all, i'd say that's acceptable. when i got off of my shift i realized that it was the weekend and was suddenly i was bursting with energy. i drove out to statesboro to hang out for the afternoon. we listened to music, sat outside to soak up some sun, and played grand theft auto (well, they were playing...it was my first time so whatever i was doing couldn't really be considered anything other than fucking up over and over. it ruled.).
later that night i went out with jared and sean to hang up fliers for the show they're putting on AT TEASERS ON TUESDAY MARCH 30TH WHERE THE DOORS WILL BE OPENNING AT 7PM. while we were downtown we ran into heather who was going to the jinx to see jucifer. i knew that after all the flier fun was over sean was gonna go home so i decided to stay with her and hang out. i am soooo glad i did. we laughed all night long. i ran into the guy that works at hollywood video, the one that i thought was seth the first time i saw him. AND the mystery boy that i see at all of the shows i go to. but now that i know his name i guess i can't call him mystery boy anymore. maybe i will anyhow, i like that more than matt.
seth showed up a little bit after heather and i did. i hadn't seen him in about a month so that ruled. he's the tallest boy i've ever met. and jared ended up coming back after sean left. we had our own little party. filled with drunk black men giving us the lowdown on inner city baltimore, and insanely loud music that STILL has my ears ringing. what a great day.
i think i'm gonna go read in the park. a recent conversation reminded me that i have a shitload of books just waiting to be devoured.
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[26 Mar 2004|07:11am] |
kitten is psycho. i'm not sure there is any other animal on the planet i could love more than her at this moment. she drives me crazy, and most of the time she's being clumsy or needy, but she's still just about the only thing in the world that can make me burst out laughing until tears roll down my face at 7:15 in the AM.
today, smile at someone you don't know.
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| public advisory: |
[25 Mar 2004|08:06pm] |
eating beef jerky while drinking V8 may cause serious indigestion.
i'm going to go vomit now.
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| odd to the muscles that i didn't know i have |
[24 Mar 2004|09:11pm] |
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i just got off from work. well no, that's a lie. i got off about 45 minutes ago. nonetheless, i was on the clock for over 12 hours. my body is tired and sore. thankfully i love my job. or else someone would have to die now.
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